Dec 14, 2009 – Third Day
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 8:02 AM
Subject: RE: … and then there’s always Peru….. From: Alexis
How did I know about your desire to meander through Machu Picchu? Just psychic I guess !! Did you put together that the boulder I was sitting on in the one photo was at the very top of the steep mountain (Waynapicchu) on the left hand side of the other photo? Yup… climbed that baby in an hour and 2 minutes (we had a 58 year old guy who had a kidney transplant last year in our group of 4… so we kinda had to wait for him).. BUT… I tell you… sitting up there… on top of the world, looking down on the lost city of the Inca’s was one of the most profoundly humbling experiences of my life. I can’t express in words just how amazing it was. I can tell you that my face hurt from smiling so much… delerium (but not in a whack-o sort of way). Just in a ‘I’m so happy I could pee’ kinda way.
Too much information… I know !
So 5 a.m. was your wake up call today? That’s what time my alarm goes off every day. Ungodly time of day isn’t it? (except on weekends for some reason… I love the early morning when it’s for me!)
Computer geek turned chef turned computer geek… I tell ya.. you get more and more intriguing with each email Bruce. Keep it coming ok??
So.. how ’bout a mini trip to China (and Bangkok) today? You in??
Alexis
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 5:04 PM
Subject: Re: … and then there’s always Peru….. From: Robert
You keep making me sooooo jealous about your travels! Your description of sitting on that pinnacle brought me almost to the point of delirium myself. Thanks for this … how long can you keep this up????
Becoming a chef is an interesting story … I’ve always loved the kitchen and I seem to have a talent for it … actually one of my biggest problems/assets is, without sounding to full of myself, the ability to be almost instantly competent in any arena I’m fighting my battles in. Almost too many hats fit this guy.
I went through a pretty emotional breakup a few years ago and I went kind of crazy where I quit everything I was involved in and bought a house in a day in Meaford and changed my whole life instantly. I’m a Gemini with just about the right amount of mania to keep life really interesting. Long story short … didn’t want any old memories being stirred up so I decided that I was a chef!
I donated my time to a local diner and started line cooking … I didn’t need any pay and I learned VERY quickly. After a couple of months I had learned everything I could from that cook so I started looking for my next challenge. I sent a mass email to almost every resort in Ontario offering my services as a line cook/chef/restaurant manager, whatever. I had just sent the emails, I walk into the kitchen and the phone started ringing. (BTW the date is December 16th)
Me: Hello
Caller: I need cook (in thick Russian accent)
Me: Ok
Caller: When you start?
Me: After New Years?
Caller: No … Tomorrow!
Me: No .. I have commitments over holidays. (I think I started to speak in abbreviated Russian/English)
Caller: Tomorrow and day after? How much you want???
Me: Tell me about the job.
Caller: Chef-Resort kitchen.
Me: Where?
Caller: Wunderlust Lake. How much you want?
….. ok this went on for too long …Russian dude assuming I’m starting the next day ..
Guess when I started ?? The next day … I met this tall, dark Russian guy at Bathurst & Steeles in a Seven Eleven the next day. He handed my $ 1500 dollars cash, handed me keys to a mini van and a map with the instructions to “BUY FOOD” and go to the resort. Yikes … what have I got myself into???? Russian mafia?? When do I start … who am I taking over from … what kind of food/cooking required?? Any question I had was answered by “you ok .. see you next week”. What! I guess a NORMAL person would have run for miles but silly me … always after a journey and experiences said OK .. bye.
Remember I am just an unpaid small town diner cook and now … I’m the Chef at an expensive resort serving 4 course meals … Russian mafia owned as it turned out. I arrived at the resort at midnight after buying food and finding Wanderlust Lake which turned out to be south of Turner’s Corners. Nobody was there … I drove around from building to building … everything locked … I got out and started walking around … so dark that I fell into the lake … not all the way in … just up to my knees … December remember ..
I have a van full of perishable food, luckily very cold out. Finally a German woman named Baba showed up and proceeded to yell at me … Who are you? Ok … what kind of bullshit chef are you? Have you met Igor? You are sleeping with him (honest I’m not making this up … I almost wish I was) …. ok … it turns out that there I was expected to cook a 4 course meal for 92 people in 3 days and there was going to be a full house until after New Years. Oh yeah … and the best part was that the kitchen only had a falling apart electric 3 burner house stove and the kitchen’s average temperature was around -2.
Guess what? I did it! Baba turned out to be a lesbian and we became best friends … The guests loved the food … I stayed 4 months until I started buying food with my own money. I was paid all in cash … I only got cash when I threatened that I would not cook for guests until I got paid. Trial by fire and I passed. I learned so much in 4 months that I became an actual resort chef for a “REAL” resort. So if you every want a 4 course meal prepped in 1 hours you know who to call but you have to pay me in cash and speak like Russian. BTW … Igor turned out to be an illegal immigrant that was assigned as my helper … he couldn’t speak a word of English and eventually we both learned some words in each other’s language … “Igor … please peel the Cartouchkas” Igor and I became fast friends who drank wine after work and laughed our heads. It turned out that he was basically being kept as a slave for $ 300 a month and even then he wasn’t being paid. I eventually helped him escape with all his luggage and we never saw him again!
Hey … sorry about that … I have to run … why do I feel like telling you stuff like this??
Alexis, Have a great evening …
Robert
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 6:07 PM
Subject: RE: … and then there’s always Peru….. From: Alexis
Jealousy is good…. ENVY isn’t (it’s one of the 7 deadly one’s isn’t it… right up there with lust (hey… what’ so wrong with lust??)…. answer me that will ya?
How long can I keep this up you ask…. well my dear… as long as you’re willing to allow yourself to be entertained by me !! That’s how long. And now.. the question is… are YOU up for it??
LOVED the chef story… except for the emotional break up part. Been there… done that… and don’t want to ever waste another 3 months curled up on the couch in the fetal (of is that foetal?) position. Love HURTS doesn’t it?? Ouchhhhhh. I want tender love… not to be ‘tenderized’ (think metal mallet) by it !!
Deep breath…..
Back to the chef thing… (1st of all… I have to tell you that I could very easily lust after a man who knows his way around the kitchen!!! Makes me quiver just the thought of it!!)…. You know you have to write a book right? The whole Russian mafia/German lesbian/Igor the slave story had me laughing out loud! Thank YOU for that!! So.. you must have loved the photo of the two ‘Russian internet brides’ that I sent earlier… I’ll attach it again if you missed it!
To answer your question (‘why do I feel like telling you stuff like this?’)…. because… you can !! Just know that you have a very captive audience at this end!!
And now… it’s time for me to whip something up for dinner… any suggestions? I have some broccoli, leeks, potatoes, polenta, mushrooms and zucchini…. should be able to come up with something good huh?
Enjoy your evening Robert .. and keep those stories coming… ok?
Alexis
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 9:19 PM
Subject: RE: … and then there’s always Peru….. From: Robert
I didn’t realize those women were brides … great shot … You’ve been to Russia??? Shit … where haven’t you been??????
Ok … another story … but first you have to pick which one!
Your four choices are:
1) The time I was lost in the wilderness for 47 and a half days
2) The time I went jogging with Brad Pitt in Calgary
3) I founded a dot com start up company in 1999 that eventually went on to hire 260 people and raise $ 18 million dollars and went under when our next round of $ 5 million in financing was cancelled due to the investor residing in the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001
4) The time I chased a bear through the wood throwing rocks at its head ( I know this one isn’t politically correct but I had to)
There is only one catch here … I made up one of the above scenarios … if you choose the one that I made up there is no story.
I’m bad eh?
B
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 9:45 PM
Subject: Dinner … From: Robert
Hi Alexis,
I got carried away with my list of stories and it’s probably too late … but with the listed ingredients can I assume that you are a vegetarian???
What would I make with that list??? broccoli, leeks, potatoes, polenta, mushrooms and zucchini
Ok .. here goes … I would slice the zucchini very thinly with a mandolin, mix with sliced Bermuda red onions and drizzle this with aged balsamic & maple syrup dressing for the salad.
I would spice the polenta with smoky chipotle spice …. make potato rostis with leek (make sure you wash the sand out of the leeks) and finally i would grill the mushrooms in lots of butter and add parboiled broccoli with some sort of hossein sauce, soy, brown sugar, ginger and lime sauce.
Over and out ….
Robert
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Subject: RE: Question for you …
You’re EVIL !!
OK… Please tell me about the time you went jogging with Brad Pitt in Calgary… and I want ALL the details… like… how jiggly his ‘parts’ were … and how the beads of sweat just trickled down the small of his back….. and his musky… sweaty smell… did his muscles bulge….. and… exactly how did his heavy breathing sound??
Now who’s the bad one eh??
(I’m giggling right now!!)
ok…. so it’s your turn…. start telling the story Bruce!!
A
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:22 PM
Subject: Re: Question for you … From: Robert
Evil??? You obviously don’t know the meaning of evil … live … evil …. live …evil ..
Sorry that’s the one I made up!
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Subject: Just kidding … From: Robert
How did I know you would pick that one????
I will see if I can get up the energy to tell that old tale tonight … let me see … mmmmm
I don’t know if I NOTICED the jiggle parts! Actually I didn’t … sorry …
Stay tuned
R
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:34 PM
Subject: RE: Dinner … From: Alexis
you truly are evil….. get your ass over here and start cooking ok?? (my stove has 4 burners… not 3… and it’s gas… does that help??)
quasi veggie I am… haven’t eaten anything with eyelashes for about 20 years. Fish, chicken (but only if it’s drug free) and the once a year drug free turkey from the Mennonite butcher… I’m A- (blood type)… we’re better on ‘no meat’ diets… which is good.. cuz I really don’t like it too much anyway.
So… when am I going to see more of your photos?? I’ve been showing you mine!
And those Russian women… they weren’t brides… I was just trying to be funny. Did you notice the bouquet of THISTLES the one was holding?? They just cracked me up. Such sexy little kittens !!
Yes… i’ve been to Russia… country of the worst… and I mean WORST food in the universe. Bland, overcooked nursing home food at best. I lived on peanut butter that I brought from home.
So… I wimped out and made a potato and leek soup… (frozen homemade chicken stock though)… a little bit of that Turkish spice I was telling you about…. and some roasted garlic. Yummie… but not anywhere near as good as your creation. Hrumpf. (sound of disgust)
Time to lay my weary head on my goose down pillow…. ahhhh…. a little bit of heaven.
I look forward to your story….
AND
some photos please.
Sweet dreams!
Alexis
ps – attached photos are from the Amazon… we went to a local mom and pop bootleg moonshine operation …. you should have tasted the rum! Molasses and ginger… and a touch of gasoline I think!! Brought some home for the festive eggnog!!!! Yikes!
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:36 PM
Subject: RE: Question for you … From: Alexis
ok… how do I know for sure that you made that one up?????
and… that’s not the one I meant to write down…. tell me about the bear in the woods…..
pretty please?
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:37 PM
Subject: RE: Just kidding … From: Alexis
Ok… so if you didn’t notice them… use some of that artistic license that I’m sure you’re capable of… and embellish away (you can even aliterate if you’d like too!!)
I look forward to it!
A
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:53 PM
Subject: Re: Just kidding … From: Robert
Sorry … just the facts mam …
Actually he didn’t look that good … not to me anyways but maybe that was wishful thinking …
I thought you were going to hit the old pillow!
Gas stove … now you’re talking … is it bottom of the line or dare I dream is it a little bit heavier and hotter than the standard run of the mill gas guzzler … remember I’m used to a hotter than hot Garland 6 burner beast.
I can work with fish and chicken … how ’bout other types of fowl … maybe a little smoked pheasant … maybe a wild turkey … maybe some wild game species … awesome cream sauce … actually pasta is my ultimate specialty …
Ditto on the sweet dreams …
Talk to you tomorrow …
Thanks for this …
Robert
